i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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