The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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