I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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