When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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