I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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