my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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