You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
where are my eyebrows?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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