When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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