She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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