I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize