I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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