I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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