I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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