It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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