Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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