We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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