I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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