she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize