So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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