ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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