I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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