I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize