all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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