I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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