Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All the doctor said was why
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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