ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've blown a few things in my day
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize