I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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