So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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