remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He has the fingertips of a God
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