her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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