sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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