i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize