I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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