Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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