I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize