happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You are the jesus of drinking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize