i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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