i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize