i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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