Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I supernannyed him into submission
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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