i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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