Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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