my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize