Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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