Umm I'm too high to move.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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