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Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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