You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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