Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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