So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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