That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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